“It’s okay not to be okay” is a familiar phrase in mental health campaigning, credited with giving people the courage to be more open about their mental health. But for many people with experience of more complex mental illnesses, it isn’t always relatable – and feelings of shame can be a common issue.

This shame stems from a range of sources and is often influenced by the behaviours and attitudes of others. This can lead to people feeling ‘less than’ or unworthy.

Now three mental health charities are calling for more support and understanding of mental illness to help address the shame which people continue to face. Members of the UK Anti-Stigma Alliance – See Me in Scotland, Inspire in Northern Ireland, and Time to Change Wales – are encouraging people across the country to play their part in helping to end the shame which so many people feel.

Originally launched in 2024, the If It’s Okay campaign aims to challenge the root cause of the shame that people with mental illness experience.

Created in partnership with charity volunteers and champions from across Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland, If It’s Okay draws on people’s real experiences to emphasise the impact that negative language and behaviours can have.

A poll of 2002 people conducted last year to mark the campaign’s launch found that 36 per cent of people in the UK (24 per cent in Wales) would not want someone with experience of a mental illness to look after their child, while 17 per cent (18 per cent in Wales) say they wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone with experience of a mental illness.

Attitudes like this can lead people to hide their diagnosis and withdraw from everyday opportunities. It can stop people from getting the help and support they need, make people feel alone and cause those living with a mental illness to withdraw from opportunities others may take for granted.

As reported last year, 51 per cent of people across the UK (52 per cent in Wales) believe that there is still a great deal or fair amount of shame associated with mental illness.

Language around mental health and mental illness also plays its part. People across the UK still believe that commonly used slurs related to mental health are acceptable in daily life, with 20 per cent saying they believe ‘crazy’ is acceptable (16 per cent in Wales), while 22 per cent think it’s okay to describe someone as ‘totally OCD’ (16 per cent in Wales).

Charlotte from Carmarthen said: “I have struggled with my mental health for years, I have felt hopeless and broken at times. I have a few mental health diagnoses and because of this, there has been many individuals who have treated me like everything I do is for attention, rather than seeing the torture and suffering I go through. I began talking with people who had experienced their own mental health issues, and it helped me to realise that it is not my fault that I am mentally unwell. This really helped with my self-esteem and taught me to give myself a break rather than beat myself up over something I cannot control at times. I am now learning coping mechanisms and learning to be proud of who I am and not hide away. I am so grateful for others sharing their experiences to help me feel more accepted in life.”

Toni from Cardiff said: "When I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in October 2023 I felt a huge relief that I finally had answers to everything I was going through. On the flip side of this, I also felt a great deal of anxiety of how I was going to explain this to the people around me.

“Initially when I first told people I had BPD I felt like I was treated as a ticking time bomb, but in reality, I just wanted people to treat me how they would treat anyone else who didn’t have a mental health problem. This made me really scared to tell people about my diagnosis.

“It wasn’t until one of my colleagues took the time to listen and for the first time, I felt no judgement or shame about my disorder. Since this, I have built such an amazing support network and the stigma I first experienced no longer negatively impacts me."

Behan says: “Vulnerability is often seen as a bad thing and yet, for me, the most beautiful moments of being seen, heard and understood have come from being authentically me.

“It’s taken a long time for me to accept the parts of myself that I viewed as a weakness. Even as a small child, I remember teachers and adults referring to me as “sensitive” and a “worrier” as though it was a problem, something bad or something I needed to change. I often felt deep emotions not only for myself but for others too. Empathy is a great quality and yet, it can also take its toll. I know for certain that this impacted my mental health. I would get overwhelmed very easily and things that other people seem to manage well, I would struggle with. For a very long time, I couldn’t understand that other people didn’t think in the way I did, didn’t feel as intensely as I felt and how their ways of coping with life’s difficulties didn’t seem to work for me. This led me to believe that I was the problem or perhaps broken. That I was “too much”, “too emotional” or “too intense”.

“For years, I believed this to be true. I often hid parts of myself from others out of fear of how the real me would be received, and because of this, even with great friends and family around me, I felt isolated and lonely. It was at that time I knew that fighting against my natural way of being was only doing me more harm than good. So, despite the fear of judgment, I started to be more open, and I am so glad I did.

“Now, at the age of 32 I am very comfortable with being empathetic and sensitive. Once I stopped viewing those qualities as a weakness, I was able to see just how wonderful those things can be. I was able to free my mind of self-doubt, self-criticism and guilt for having feelings which are completely natural and in doing so, I had more capacity to care for myself and others. I started talking about my struggles with mental illness on social media and through blog posts. I did it for myself at first as a way of embracing the person I am on good days and bad. I also did it to help those close to me to understand I was going through difficulties. I never once considered that talking openly about my experiences would positively impact others, but it did! Talking initiated conversations with friends, family, colleagues and even people I didn’t know that well. I received messages from people who said they had been going through similar experiences, and it was great to know we weren’t alone in what we were going through.”

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Following the 2024 If It’s Okay launch, a survey of 200 people across the UK showed that the initial campaign had a positive impact on their own understanding of shame, with 88 per cent of people saying that the campaign helped them think about the impact of shame on people living with mental illness.

Lowri Wyn Jones, Programme Manager for Time to Change Wales, said: “With over half the population in Wales believing that there’s still shame associated with mental illness, we know it continues to negatively impact the lives of so many of us facing mental health issues. Re-launching this campaign has felt both timely and necessary to reinforce the message that nobody should feel ashamed of having a mental health problem. Led by individuals with real-life experiences of shame surrounding their mental health, our aim with this campaign is to shift public perception and behaviour.”

BAME mental health

Telephone: 08001448824 Website: www.bamementalhealth.org

Are you struggling with issues related to trauma, grief, addiction, anxiety, or major life changes? There comes a time when we need some help from professional to help cope with many of life’s challenges.

BAME helpline Wales

Telephone: 0300 222 5720 SMS text: 7537 432416 Website: www.multilingualhelpline.wales The helpline is for anyone over the age of 18 living in Wales, particularly if you identify as Black, Asian or Minority Ethnic, or if you would like to speak to someone in a language other than English or Welsh.

CALL (Community Advice and Listening Line)

Telephone: 0800 132 737 Website: www.callhelpline.org.uk

Offers emotional support and information/literature on Mental Health and related matters to the people of Wales. Anyone concerned about their own mental health or that of a relative or friend can access the service. C.A.L.L. Helpline offers a confidential listening and support service.

Childline

Telephone: 0800 1111 Website: www.childline.org.uk

Childline is a free, confidential service available to anyone under 19 in the UK. Whether it's something big or small, their trained counsellors are there to support you any time, day or night.

Meic Cymru

Telephone: 0808 80 23456 (8am – midnight, seven days a week) Text: 84001 Website: www.meiccymru.org

Meic is a confidential, free helpline service for children and young people up to the age of 25 in Wales. You can call, text or instant message them in Welsh or English for support, advice and information.

Mind Infoline

Telephone: 0300 123 3393 (9am-5pm Monday to Friday) Email: [email protected] Website: www.mind.org.uk

Mind provides confidential mental health information services. With support and understanding, Mind enables people to make informed choices. The Infoline gives information on types of mental distress, where to get help, drug treatments, alternative therapies and advocacy. Mind also has a network of nearly 200 local Mind associations providing local services.

NHS Direct Wales

Telephone: 0845 4647 Website: www.nhsdirect.wales.nhs.uk

Health advice 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Papyrus

Telephone: 0800 068 41 41 Website: papyrus-uk.org

Prevention of Young Suicide is the UK charity dedicated to the prevention of suicide and the promotion of positive mental health and emotional wellbeing in young people.

Rehab 4 Addiction

Telephone: 0800 140690 Website: www.rehab4addiction.co.uk

Are you, or one of your loved ones impacted by substance misuse? Rehab 4 Addiction is there to provide a range of signposting, support, and information about the most effective treatments there to help.

Samaritans

Telephone: 08457 90 90 90 (24 hours a day) Email: [email protected] Website: www.samaritans.org

Provides confidential, non-judgmental emotional support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those that could lead to suicide. You can phone, email, write a letter or in most cases talk to someone face to face.

Saneline

Telephone: 0845 767 8000 (6pm-11pm) Website: www.sane.org.uk

Saneline is a national mental health helpline providing information and support to people with mental health problems and those who support them. If you're a carer needing support you can contact all of the above as well as Carers Direct and the Princess Royal Trust for Carers, both of whom are able to provide support and advice on any issues affecting you.

Ok Rehab

Telephone: 0800 326 5559 Website: www.okrehab.org

OK Rehab is a recovery advocate service. OK Rehab was founded by people who are living their lives ‘in recovery’. We aim to offer addiction treatment options for all, no matter what the situation they may be facing right now. All of our helpline advisors have ‘wore the t-shirt' when it comes to issues surrounding addiction, including being ‘helpless’, ‘hopeless’, and ‘homeless’.